Day 292

#np - Everybody Wants to Rule the World by Tears For Fears

Day 291

#np - Heat Wave by Linda Ronstadt

After 8 days I'm finally heading home to Louisville!  I will miss Austin.  It has been a wonderful trip.  The party we had for my grandmother was fantastic and I loved seeing all my family.  That being said, most of my trip consisted of 100+ degree heat and now I'm heading home where it's over 100 degrees, too.  

I'll be home for three weeks before I head back down south to Columbus, Georgia for my next training trip.  I'll spend the next few days getting organized and planning what needs to get done between now and then.  The worse thing about only one week between trips is that you can't even really grocery shop properly without having lots of waste.  I also spent most of my time in Austin wishing I'd gotten a couple more new outfits and a pedicure.  I need to do some better planning.

I also need a larger suitcase.  If I'm going to check a bag regardless, why not be comfortable and get a bigger bag instead of trying to cram everything in?  Just another lesson of the road!

Day 290

#np - Oh, Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison

Today we're celebrating my grandmother's 80th birthday in Austin.  It's going to be a wonderful day!  

Day 289

#np - All My Exes Live In Texas by George Strait

Yesterday I ate a fried chicken taco (called the Trashy Trailer Park taco) from a food truck.  Then we went to another food truck and I ate a dessert doughnut called the dirty berry that was covered in chocolate and grilled strawberries.  I probably don't need to eat for a few days.  But I will.  And I'm not ashamed.

I also got to tour UT Austin which is a beautiful campus.  Everyone here is really nice.  They may all be republicans but they are nice! (I did see one Obama 2012 sticker though - yay!)

Day 288

#np - Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.

Nora Ephron died two days ago.  And last night I almost purchased When Harry Met Sally on iTunes even though I own the movie (but I didn't because the iTunes version doesn't include the original songs - they're replaced with elevator music, apparently).  I don't really know what to say except that I was a huge Ephron fan and I'm sad that we won't read her words and watch her movies any longer.  She taught us about life and love and she reminded us not to take either too seriously.  

Her female characters weren't cupcakes and she didn't just write about romantic relationships.  One of the most powerful movie relationships she wrote was between Annie and Becky in Sleepless in Seattle.  Their comfort with each other and the "I love you" at the end of their phone conversation showed the strength of their friendship.  Ephron also gave us a man like Harry who loved Sally because of who she was, not in spite of it.  I love it.  I love the characters.  I love her.

She was a feminist and she believed in love.  I strive to be a little like her.  Funny, smart, strong, and hopeful.

Day 287

#np - Good Time by Owl City and Carly Rae Jepsen

Day 286

#np - Wiggle It by 2 In a Room

Thanks to my new examiner friends for this being in my head all night last night.  Our dinner at the Hula Hut in Austin was yummy and fun!

Day 285

#np - Sister Christian by Night Ranger

It's really hot in Austin.  Like over-100-degrees-everyday-hot.  

Day 284

#np - Learn Me Right by Birdy and Mumford & Sons

I really want to see the new Pixar movie, Brave.  Watch the trailer for it.  Disney princess are no longer helpless victims.  They defend their own honor.  I love it.  I hope the movie lives up to my expectations which are quite high after movies like Monsters, Inc and Finding Nemo.  Perhaps I'll see it while I'm in Austin.  I don't get the feeling that the other examiners will be particularly social and the same sterile hotel room will get old after a couple of evenings.  Time to figure out if there's a movie theater within walking distance of my hotel!

Day 283

#np - Taking Chances by Celine Dion

I recently read an article detailing how women can't have it all.  It speaks of a claim women have made for years - We can have it all! - referencing a successful professional life (that we want at the highest level we desire) and a fulfilling family or personal life.  Now, let me tell you, I'm a realist when it comes to this. I know you can't have it all.  Life is about making sacrifices, some big and some small, to get the most fulfilling life you can.  I also realize that that claim was directed at white, upper-middle class, women who don't necessarily fret over putting food on the table.  I understand the author in so many of the points she makes.

That being said, one point/recommendation is sticking with me.  It's irking me.  She talks of her decision to wait until she was professionally successful to have children.  At 35 years old she starting trying to get pregnant and it was a long struggle until her successful pregnancies at 38 and 40.  She advises, in her article, to wait to have children but still do so by 35 and if you can't/won't/etc, have your eggs frozen.

So here I am, approaching 30 years old.  I'm generally satisfied with my life.  I really like my new job.  I am proud of my education.  I'm proud of my life choices.  And yet this woman now has me wondering if I should have my eggs frozen.

Shit.

I mean really!

How much does that even cost?  Is this something they do in Kentucky? Is it like a storage unit where I have to pay a monthly fee or they put my crap on the street? I understand where she's coming from.  I do.  I can sympathize, although not relate, with her struggle to have children.  But did she need to perpetuate this fear; not of not having it all but rather of not having any of it?  I suppose she's being realistic but she's set me into a tailspin.  Following her timeline, so I can have the family I want to have, I need to be married and pregnant within five years.  FIVE!

Five.

Today is day 283 to 30 years old.  I'm considering googling "costs of freezing your eggs".  Because lets face it, I don't know if I will want children at 35 years old.  And I don't know if I'll be married by then.  I think my track record is clear on not settling on a partner just to advance this part of my life.  I'm not willing to force this to fulfill the basic need I feel to be a mother.  And in the meantime I'm happy concentrating on my career and my family and friends.  But does that mean I need to freeze my eggs to keep my options open?  And when I can't afford it, as I most assuredly won't be able to, what then?

I can imagine my parents' reactions to this post.  They will likely have words of encouragement and slight admonishments for letting this get under my skin.  They will tell me that there's no need to rush things.  Others will tell me their own stories and personal tidbits. Stories about how they didn't struggle and gave birth (healthily) at 45.  I'll be told to wait.  Have fun.  Enjoy this time.

But my refridgerator is overflowing with the pictures of my friends' beautiful newborn babies.  Lovely babies born before their moms turned 30...let alone the dreaded 35!  Perhaps I should freeze my eggs and have the docs take a picture of the tubes (petri dishes, I don't know how this works, people!) and I can put that on the fridge, too.  

I wouldn't say this is my biological clock ticking.  (Honestly, Mom.)  But I would say thanks a lot (sarcastically) to the lady that recommended this.  Because on top of everything else a young woman of 29 years and 283 days worries about, freezing her eggs (and figuring out if how to pay for it) just made the list (well almost, I'm not 30 yet).