"Don't go looking for a fight but if you're in a fight, and it's the right fight, fight until you win, if only for yourself."
~Dorothy Howell Rodham
#np - Sing by My Chemical Romance
~Dorothy Howell Rodham
#np - Sing by My Chemical Romance
Fourteen years ago my life changed in a second. It's hard to explain to people who haven't experienced something similar. Fourteen years ago, a boy I went to high school with brought a gun to school. He brought it to school and he shot people. Even today, it's almost surreal. Almost. Almost because I remember the sounds and smells. I remember the yells and the people. It's both vivid and blurry. That doesn't even make sense but it's the only way to describe it. A haze of emotions and images with punctuated moments of complete clarity.
There are days where I wish I could forget. I wish that simple things didn't remind me of that day. I wish that when I tell people where I went to high school that they didn't inadvertently say "Hey, isn't that where the school shooting was?" It isn't their fault. It's natural curiosity and I'm usually okay to talk about it. And when I get really down and start to ask why, I remember her. I choose not to forget.
I had this friend in high school who wanted to be a police officer. She was a beautiful girl and she already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. She wanted to help people. She wanted to do something with her life that would make a difference in the lives of others. But she isn't here. She can't help people now.
To this day I wonder why things turned out like they did. Why her? She was going to help people. I've struggled my entire life with what I want to be when I grow up. And now I'm approaching 30 years old, twice the age she was when she died, and I've finally figured out that I want to help people too.
I suppose it could be seen as some twisted tribute to her. I've finally figured out what I can do and I'm feeling more peace than I ever have. Kayce, you've been my inspiration for 14 years. Thank you for being an incredible example. I hope I make you proud.
There are days where I wish I could forget. I wish that simple things didn't remind me of that day. I wish that when I tell people where I went to high school that they didn't inadvertently say "Hey, isn't that where the school shooting was?" It isn't their fault. It's natural curiosity and I'm usually okay to talk about it. And when I get really down and start to ask why, I remember her. I choose not to forget.
I had this friend in high school who wanted to be a police officer. She was a beautiful girl and she already knew what she wanted to be when she grew up. She wanted to help people. She wanted to do something with her life that would make a difference in the lives of others. But she isn't here. She can't help people now.
To this day I wonder why things turned out like they did. Why her? She was going to help people. I've struggled my entire life with what I want to be when I grow up. And now I'm approaching 30 years old, twice the age she was when she died, and I've finally figured out that I want to help people too.
I suppose it could be seen as some twisted tribute to her. I've finally figured out what I can do and I'm feeling more peace than I ever have. Kayce, you've been my inspiration for 14 years. Thank you for being an incredible example. I hope I make you proud.
No comments:
Post a Comment