Day 244

#np - For Good by Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth

Five year ago, my world turned upside down.  Once upon a time, I was engaged to a great guy.  My first love.  And five years ago, we broke up.  The details certainly aren't for a blog.  Especially not one that he or anyone could read.  But suffice it to say, that day, and every day I knew him, changed me.  

Today, I am a strong woman.  I am smart and capable.  I am loved.  And what I didn't realize back then, toward the end of the relationship, is that I was this woman then, too.  For a while, this break-up defined me.  People walked on egg shells around me.  They hesitated to tell me about their relationships.  They tried hard to make me happy.

What I found, however, is that my happiness was inside me the entire time. I just had to find it.  And I couldn't find it with him because it wasn't meant to be.  We weren't right.  I wish I'd listened to my mind and heart and body telling me for so long that something was wrong with the relationship.  It just wasn't right.  

I'm thankful we both decided to listen to what neither of us wanted to say.  Because when you're someone's first love, you don't want to break their heart.  And I firmly believe that's why we went as long as we did.  

I found out recently that he's engaged (or possibly married) now.  We aren't facebook friends anymore so I don't get updates about this stuff (thankfully, I think).  But he's getting married.  To a girl that's not me.  And I've never met her.  I wouldn't know her on the street. But it's right that it's not me.

I do believe that I have been changed for the better.  Since our break up, I've earned my masters degree, moved to Louisville and tomorrow is the first day of my new job.  I couldn't be happier with how my life has unfolded.  I'm so happy we were able to make the decisions we made back then that would set courses for our lives that lead away from each other.  Changed for good.